I'm taking a break from the holiday family gathering. 

The whole drive up the coast this morning I was dreading this.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family.  But my parents don't know about me being gay, and they never will.  They don't get my hints that I'm tired of their comments about me being in my 30s and single.  I try to stop worrying so much about what they think and roll with it, but with my mood yesterday and how hard things are for me lately, I knew it would be like the proverbial straw. 

So here I am to take a break, hide from everyone, and blog. 

Not much more to say than that. 

I broke up with my serious girlfriend. It was tough and heartbreaking. But it was the right thing to do. Not for any religious reasons, but right for me and my personal and emotional well being.

I don't regret my choice at all. But I am fighting loneliness and emptiness. Which is hard for me to comprehend. Not only do I have many wonderful, loving, supportive people in my life ... But I don't need other people to "make me happy".

Yet there is something about "that part" of my heart that speaks so deeply to me. And when I look around for someone else to possibly fill that role, no one seems to interest me.

Guess we'll see if time really heals all wounds.

Dating women thrills me.  I feel alive.  I feel good about me.  I feel good about who I am.  It makes me happy.  It makes me smile. 

It makes my tummy have butterflies.

I have a hard time seeing how this is a bad thing. 

I want to be free of who I've been. 

The gospel is true.

Even if I am not.

John 14:27
27^aPeace I leave with you, my ^bpeace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be ^ctroubled, neither let it be afraid.

I am choosing what leaves me peace.  I am choosing what leaves my heart untroubled and unafraid. 

It may not be something of which you approve.  It may not be what you feel the Lord wants for me.  It may not be what you have been taught brings true happiness.

In fact, it is none of those things.

But it brings me peace.  It gives my heart rest.  It leaves me confident and unafraid.

And so I trust it.